P.I.S.D.

Having trouble keeping your distance?
Get P.I.S.D. Pneumatically Initiated Social Distancing
Dr Fritz Heckler’s answer to compliance

Government regulations require we keep at least 2 metres away from other people during this period of self-chlorination but this can be difficult to achieve.

Carrying a tape measure can be awkward and socially discriminating.

From the brilliant mind of Dr Fritz Heckler comes the solution (once again)

The P.I.S.D. is a device made of coiled tube material that utilises kinetic energy to create an impenetrable barrier around yourself that will keep other people away. Think of a series of giant party blowers draped around your waist only a lot more expensive.

The standard version can be deployed with a few discrete puffs on a unobtrusive tube that is worn under your shirt and is handily placed just beside your mouth. P.I.S.D. emits a loud beep on deployment.

The deluxe version is activated by a infra red detector on your belt (and one on the back in case a friend comes at you from behind) that flips a solenoid and drives a battery operated pump to deploy the skirt.

Adjustable – Can be set from 1.5 to 3 metres

Doubles as a buoyancy belt when swimming.

Guaranteed for 150 deployments.Spare tubes are available

Comes in black, Ranine green and tartan.

Can be worn discretely under a dress or a kilt. Not recommended under trousers.

Can be worn over clothing as a status symbol.

Can be combined with Dr Fritz’s SHAG (Shaking Hands Allowance Glove) to moderate handshaking

Also available The Dr Fritz Megaphone in case government regulations up the distance to more than 3 metres..